"Parenting is just repeating yourself with slightly more emotion each time."

"Bedtime: where kids become philosophers."

"I used to be cool. Now I negotiate with a 4-year-old."

"Raising kids is 90% snacks and 10% wondering what just happened."

"You don't realize how often you say 'put that down' until you have kids."

"Parenting tip: lower expectations… and then lower them again."