Try this tonight
Five simple things you can do
Your child may ask this after you correct them or sound upset. Answer the fear first. Then talk about what happened.
By Aimee & Batsirai Chada · Updated August 19, 2026
Say yes right away.
Try: “Yes. I love you. That has not changed.” Pause. Let your child hear the answer before you say more.
Come close.
Kneel or sit near your child. Use a calm voice. You can stay firm and still be warm.
Ask why they wondered.
Try: “What made you wonder if I still love you?” Their answer may help you see what scared them.
Talk about what happened.
Keep the rule. If you were too harsh, say so. Help your child fix what they can.
Say “I love you” again.
End with: “We still need to fix what happened. I love you, and I’m right here.”
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Answer love first.
Say, “Yes. I love you.”
Come close.
Ask what made them wonder.
Listen to the answer.
Then talk about what happened.
What not to say first
- A quick “Of course I do.” Your child needs a warm, clear answer.
- “I love you, but…” The “but” can make love sound like it changed.
- A joke or tease. A joke can make your child feel silly for asking.
- A long explanation before the answer. Say “I love you” first. Explain the rest after.
When the question keeps returning
Some children ask this more during big changes, grief, family conflict, time apart, or scary events. Keep saying yes. Notice when the question comes up.
If the fear is strong, lasts a long time, or affects sleep, school, or play, ask for help. A doctor, counselor, or pastor can support your family.
Love does not go away when your child gets it wrong
Love does not mean there are no rules. Your child can tell the truth, fix what they can, and know you still love them.
You can correct your child without pushing them away. Stay clear about what happened. Stay close while you work through it together.
What they say
“Do you still love me?”
What they're starting to believe
“When I get it wrong, love goes away.”
Behavior is the fruit of a belief taking root. Speak to the belief.
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More moments
More help for other hard moments
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When your child says, “Nobody likes me.”
Listen first. Help your child tell you what happened. Then choose what to do together.
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What to say
When your child says, “I’m stupid.”
Ask what felt hard. Remind your child that hard does not mean stupid. Then take one small step together.
Read this moment →
What should I say when my child asks do you still love me?
Say: “Yes. I love you. That has not changed.” Come close and ask what made them wonder. Then talk about what happened.
Why does my child ask if I still love them after correction?
Your tone, the conflict, or the result may have scared them. Ask what made them wonder. If you were too harsh, say so.
Does unconditional love mean there should be no consequences?
No. You can keep a rule, help your child fix harm, and still make your love clear.
When should I seek more support for my child’s fear of losing love?
Ask for help if the fear is strong, lasts a long time, or affects sleep, school, or play. A doctor, counselor, or pastor can support your family.